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Why does the guy ask for your phone number but then never calls you?
Wiki User
∙ 14y ago
In our society, it is considered "bad manners" to say things that will probably or possibly hurt another person's feelings. The biggest problem in life is that people are continually being punished for "telling the truth". If we lived in a world where it was always safe to tell the truth, then your date or potential partner would have said, "I had a nice time, but I now realize after spending these few hours with you, that we have totally different needs (and then he would have described exactly WHICH needs he was referring to) and I don't believe that we would make very compatible partners long term. Thank you for sharing this experience with me anyway, and good luck in your quest for finding a compatible mate!" Since we live in THIS world instead, what he was saying was: "Would you give me your phone number?" which was a lie intended to deceive you into thinking that he liked you enough to get together with you again. This was done so that he wouldn't have to deliver the bad news to you about the reality of the situation, and he hoped it would "gradually dawn on you" what the truth really was. In any event, HE doesn't have to deal with the consequences for his misbehavior DIRECTLY, (but he does anyway, because he eventually can only date women who have been lied to in the same way by OTHER men). This is quite inconsiderate, and if you wish to stop this practice from happening around YOU, then tell your date something like the following: "I don't really know yet whether or not we are compatible or even if you would like to see me again. I would rather have a relationship based on truth than on lies, so I promise not to burst into tears on the spot if you happen to decide that you would rather investigate other people instead. I find you attractive, and I would willingly spend more time with you in order to decide if we have enough areas in common to begin a dating relationship. Here is my phone number. Give me a call if you think you'd like to consider a relationship with a courageous woman who has a great respect for the truth between two people." If your phone number is refused, take it graciously, and if possible, thank the man for his willingness to be honest about the situation. Leave him in a better state of mind for the NEXT WOMAN who has to deal with him! Naturally, if YOU are not attracted to the guy in any way, DON'T volunteer your phone number, as you would then be telling the same sort of lie that you feel so hurt by when it happens to you. This is not guaranteed to work with guys that are uncomfortable with truth telling, but it WILL help set the stage for it to EVENTUALLY work! Since you GAVE him your phone number, he WON'T have to call unless he actually wants to, and everybody understands that from the very beginning. If this is too "forward" for your personal tastes, then modify it somewhat. Keep in mind that variations on "Don't ask for my phone number unless you REALLY MEAN it", are almost GUARANTEED to make the guy ask for it whether he WOULD have or not if you hadn't said anything. Who wants to be challenged with being insincere and a liar BEFORE he even has a chance to lie about it? Peace be with you!
Wiki User
∙ 14y ago
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