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The Nintendo DS and DS lite does not have a friend code system so there is no way to get friends on Pictochat. As long as your friend is within range of your DS console, you can communicate through Pictochat but you cannot save friend codes.
You can pictochat up to 65 feet away from one another. It goes this far on DS, DS Lite, and DSI. Not 3DS. Wich sucks. Ihave a 3DS and cant pictochat,but Can communicate with SWAPNOTE!
On a Nintendo DS or DSLite, the Pictochat application can be found on the home menu. If you have your system set to boot to the game without going through the main menu, take the game card out before starting the system. On the DSi or DSi XL, the Pictochat application will be on your DSi menu.
For the most part, yes you can. If you want to connect with pictochat or DS games (including DS Download), you can connect between a Nintendo DS and DSi. However, for DSi specific games, such as DSi games and certain applications, the Nintendo DS will not be able to connect. But, note that certain DSiWare games that can DS download play still can be connected to the Nintendo DS.
As far as I know, Nintendo DS does not have sleep mode.