What should you do if you were happily married but you have met another woman that you are very attracted to?

Answer 1

I would be very careful here the amount of times ive heard about this situation and the guy running back to their wifes as soon as it goes wrong and ending up with no-one at all in the end...if You are married then married means married and in God's eyes and your wife's "Until death do us part"
those vows that are taken I suppose it depends on whether they mean anything or not to you?...This is not a judgment but maybe something to consider carefully...

Just because you are now attracted to someone else does not mean your marriage committment carries any less weight than before! Being attracted to someone else happens to many people and isn't unusual. It's just how we respond to it that matters. Mostly, we have made in our minds a decision - whether consciously or not - to allow the initial interest to develop past the point that it should. Committment is easy when everythings going fine - it's situations like this where committment to someone really kicks in and requires that we actively stand up and say 'No! I'm committed to this woman I married and that is the end of this particular interest'. It won't be easy, but far easier than the mess any other action INEVITABLY leads you to.

In short, you weren't wrong that you were happily married. What is an illusion is the fact that your marriage is no longer capable of being a happy one, and that this other person is an improvement on your wife. If you really want to preserve the precious relationship with your wife, then take practical steps, even if your heart mightn't be in it at first. Break off contact with this other woman, no matter what the cost. It will pay in the long run. Recognize that many people feel attraction to someone else, but it does not follow that your wife is no longer the best person for you. Neither does it follow that you have to allow the feelings to continue.

Seek out a counsellor that will act to help deal with your situation and won't just give up on your wife and marriage. If you don't, chances are you'll be back in the same situation years later. Think about how you would have been hurt if your wife had felt the same way toward another man. Concentrate on why you first loved your wife, and make some steps towards treating her as you did when she was your girlfriend. Make yourself prefer her in your thoughts, and soon it will become reality. What you're feeling for this other woman is fleeting, even if it seems so 'real'. Most people who have affairs feel the same way, but reality soon sets in once they act upon their feelings. Plan to be able to say at the end of your life, or at your wife's graveside that you honored her in life in the most wonderful way that a man could honor a woman. Have you seen the questions that come up on this site every now and then? "How many kg are there in a liter?" There is no answer, because kg measures mass and liter measures volume. You are asking-- "how many kg in a liter?" and the answer you're getting is "down the tubes". "Happily married" isn't the way we should refer to this. "Maturely married" may come closer to the heart, but I don't think the phrase will catch on. A mature marriage/relationship is based on deep trust and mutual respect, and all the other yadda yadda things that we could throw in. I'm not dissing mature marriage-- my point is that this mustn't be confused with infactuation and lust.

Get a grip. Infatuation diminishes and vanishes over the first year or two of a marriage. This must happen; it's inevitable. If a marriage isn't supplemented by maturity by then, there will be a rough period. Infatuation and lust can always find a way to kick in. And after infatuation has its way, you will be in the very same place again (and again and again). To suggest that this means there is something wrong with a marriage/relationship that is maturing is foolish. Of course they don't feel the same. Come to your senses, and do something to kick it up again (for a while) with your wife. Maturity or infatuation? It's a no-brainer.