My mom is an alcoholic...I am fourteen and I cant handle it any more. Every day I wake up wanting to die. I wont turn her in. We cant afford her to go to treatment or AA. what should i do?

Answer 1

AA (Alcoholics Anonymous) does not charge people one cent for the help and support that they provide. People who go to AA meetings do not even have to give their name if they don't want to. If your mom knows that she has a problem, offer to go to a meeting with her. You can find AA in any local phone book or ask at a local church. Ask a counselor at your school about a couple of groups called Al-Anon and Ala-Teen. Al-Anon is a group specifically geared to helping the friends and families of addicts. AlaTeen is really focused on helping teens deal with addiction-related issues. The counselor should be able to hook you up with someone you can talk to privately about these problems. You do not have to tell the counselor that the family member is your mom. You said that you do not want to "turn her in", so I will try to respect that. At the same time, it is very important for you to get the help that YOU need.------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ I have to strongly agree with the first answer, you need to get some help in coping with this. But as for getting your mom some help, alcoholics first have to be willing to admit they are an alcoholic, and want the help. And this can be where the problem lies. Far too often, alcoholics don't want to accept the fact, or admit, that they are an alcoholic. Maybe you could pick a day and time when you feel your mom would be more receptive to talking about it with you, and when you could talk privately, with no interruptions. Tell your mom that you love her (even though you realize she already knows it, it may help her to hear it). Tell her that you are concerned for her, and that you want her to get help, and that you realize Alcoholism is a disease. But it is important to present it to her in a manner that does not make her feel on the defensive. Alcoholics often do get defensive, or even angry when a loved one tries to talk to them about their drinking. But much of that actually comes from the guilt they feel over their drinking. Let her know that you will help and support her in her efforts to stop drinking, and that you will go to AA meetings with her if she wants you to, and that you want a close, loving relationship with her. If she refuses to talk about it, don't get into a fight about it; that may only make her even more defensive. Try to enlist the help of family (grandparents, aunts, uncles) in talking to her about her drinking. They could even contact AA first and get advice on how to approach her about seeking help for this. They may even be able to help with an intervention; you never know until you ask. Most AA sponsors are recovering alcoholics themselves, so they know exactly what she is going through, and they also know her "excuses". So if you can get an adult family member to help you with this, that would be great. If not, or if there are no other family members, then you can call AA and they can advise you in the best way to try to talk to your mom about her drinking. And one very important thing for you to remember: Many children of alcoholics tend to feel it is their fault when a parent drinks. They think "If I weren't so......", or "If I could be.....", or any number of other reasons why children may tend to blame themselves. But, it is NOT your fault, and it has nothing to do with you, so don't ever blame yourself, in any way. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Yeah, I have to agree with the first two answers in this case, and definatley re-iterate how important the last bit of the first answer was, which is make sure you get the help you need.The last thing you need to happen is for you to be forgotten about, because reading the question, you are a victim in all this as much as your mother. Childline is also a very good helpline, which can be completely anonymous, and free of charge. Another point which I have to repeat is what the last answer said, which is you have no blame in this. You really could not have prevented this happening, in any way, shape or form, so sitting and blaming yourself honestly won't help as: A/ it's wrong, you can't control your parents, so you can't blame yourself, and B/ you'll just make yourself feel even worse if you do, so it's a vicious circle. On a more personal note, I know what you are going through, as I had similar problems with my dad, and this might be, I don't know, a bit weird coming from a complete stranger, but if you feel that you need someone to talk to about it, then if you message me on my wikianswers, I'll see about giving you an IM address, if you feel you can't talk to family about it. My heart honestly goes out to you, because I've been there before, and I know how much hell it can give you as a young teenager. Keep safe.