Is your husband gay if he has befriended a gay man and is very defensive about it and secret in his communication with him?

Answer 1

Answer

No, this isn't enough information to know if a man is gay or not.

Answer

First off, I strongly recommend a book called "Loving Someone Gay" by Dr. Don Clark. It will help you to see things more clearly and, just as important, let you know that you are not alone! In fact, I think you should read it before you read the rest of my answer.

You don't say how long this has been going on. He may be working up the courage to tell you the awful truth (which isn't really awful, just painful). There is a tiny bit of "wiggle room" though -- he might be attempting to hide his friendship because he fears people will think he's gay.

If he's not gay, then you should encourage him to introduce you to his friend, so you can befriend him as a couple. (Believe me, no matter how independent we gay people claim to be, it's nice to know there are straight couples on our side!)

If he is gay, the sooner he gets it out in the open (at least with you) the better it will be for both of you. Point out to him that telling you the truth will never be easier than it is now -- in fact, it will just get harder. The best thing to do is convince him that you are not angry with him, you just want him to be honest. Of course, you have to believe that yourself. Suggest couples counseling. If he won't go, go yourself. The counseling will either help you to help him out of the closet, or prepare you for (sorry to say this) divorce. Good luck -- to both of you.