How can you tell if you are being played by a guy or if he is just wanting to take it really slow?

Answer 1

Reasons for taking it slow(may be incomplete, but not likely)

• He wants to learn more about you, which means he wants e.g. to discuss things yet discussed (or unfinished), or experience situations yet inexperienced with you.
• He wants to digest / think about what he has learned, analyze his feelings, meaning he needs a bit of free time without you.

Since most daters don't stay almost permanently together, the only valid reason for taking it slow is the need to get to know you better. Now if he's a shy or inarticulate guy he may not dare or know how to ask or find out. Then help him, but don't spook him. Or maybe he already suspects what your answer would be.

If he's not taking it slow, he may be waiting.

Reasons why he may be waiting:

(this is incomplete)

• he's still looking or waiting for someone better, which may be acceptable at the start, but not after weeks of dating
• he might consider a quicker development as inappropriate e.g. for religious reasons.
• he may be waiting to fall in love with you (Or "truly in love"). Is there (still) a reasonable chance of this?
• he may expect sth. to resolve shortly that would be a problem if you'd take "it" further now (e.g. a marriage he hasn't told you about)
• he may be too busy with sth that doesn't allow enough time to take it further, and he's putting the relationship on hold till he's finished.
• he may be waiting for you to do sth. (e.g. take the first step, subjucate yourself to him or whatever....)
• he may be too afraid to take it further for some reason, though he wishes to.

If he's not taking it slow (shows active interest in getting to know you better) or waiting for what you consider valid reasons (ask / find out, check)

and you don't want to stay in this relationship if there's no reasonable chance that he'll ever "take it further", then get out!

My guess:

Since you feel the development of your relationship as too slow, he doesn't show any active interest in getting to know you better. In fact, there probably ISN'T any development anymore. You've probably also made it clear to him that you want more, the sooner the better. In that case, he's not taking it slow but either waiting or not intending to ever take it further.

I always think of that song, You Can't Hurry Love...time will tell if you have a relationship that is reciprocal or not. The only way I've found to do that is to trust the person and go with the flow and not be in a hurry. It might be you who will decide not to take it further!

Ask him. As long as your relationship is full of mutual respect and is prospering, you can probably rest assured that he is just taking it slow. If he dodges your questions and doesn't want to be with you except at his convenience then you've probably got a player. However, each person is different. Search your own heart for your answer. Good luck.

If it is at least 6 to 8 months, you should at least know if the two of you are in love. By that time you both know. If he can't even figure that out by that time, odds are he's just enjoying the easy going companionship and sex. You should be close enough to talk about anything. Talk about that issue if you have been going out for at least 6 months. If he can't act mature or can't give you a certain answer, one way or the other, he's immature and just having fun. However, if you end it, you'll have to make sure he isn't blowing smoke up your fanny just to get laid again...they will do that. So, you need to go by your GUT.

Someone in a serious relationship will not only want it on his or her terms only.

I think the best thing to do is to be friends as well as being romantically involved. If he doesn't want to be your friend, then he doesn't like you for who you are.

The question is what do you want? Not what he wants. It really depends how long you have been dating too. If it has been say 3 months or more then he has already decided if he wants you as a girlfriend or not, or if he wants to commit to a relationship or not. He may really like you, but immature and not wanting the responsibility of being with involved. I would just let things take there natural course, I think time and actions are indications of peoples true intentions. If he keeps you waiting too long to ask you to be his girlfriend then he doesn't want to be with someone but likes you or he is string you along, playing you. Also, it depends how he acts to you, is he respectful, do you know if he is dating lots of other girls or are the two of you exclusive? He may just need to take things slowly. However, for me I was with someone for months, he had a few short term relationships that went bad and told me he wasn't really looking to get into another as he didn't want another bad relationship. I believed his player lines and hung out with him for months. Then I asked him where it was going and he said no where, he liked our arrangement and wanted to be open to date (have sex with) other people. I was very sad and walked out on him, months later he got in touch with me and wanted to give us a chance. We lasted for 3 months in a committed relationship and then it was over. So even if you really want more with this guy and he gives you more he still may not be able to do follow through for very long because he is immature and not ready to for one. If the relationship is less than say 3 months then don't read too much into it, just have fun. If more than that then you want to ask him some questions and see where he is at, what he wants. If you are not compatible dump him and don't look back because if he can't tell in 3 months how amazing you are then he is playing you.