Should you confront a narcissist about the way he treats you?

Answer 1

If the relationship is over....leave it and learn from it and grow and fullfil you life without them. If you are still in the relationship....I would find it hard to conceive that this narcissist would even be remotely empathic of their behavior...they could readily move on to someone else.

As soon as I started confronting my abuser - the abuse got 10X worse and then physical abuse was added. I have heard and read that this means that they know they are losing control and must try harder to get it back.

It depends who is the narcissist. If he has a history of violence, confronting him may not be the best idea.

Still, if you can safely put a distance between you and him, I would advise you to warn him of the consequences of his abuse - and, if ignores your warning, to act to punish and to restrain him. Narcissists and psychopaths understand best the language of power and coercion.

If he/she is emotionally or verbally abusive, then YES. Confront them but make it about yourself and not about them. Use phrases like "I find name calling unacceptable" or "Manipulation is not something I accept in my life" or "I cannot trust someone who doesn't tell the truth when asked". The narcissist will not respect what you have said and if they do hear it you will likely get some sort of punishment, the silent treatment, a rage, a put down. But after it's over you will know that you stood up for yourself in front of a bully and it will be your voice disputing the abuse you remember as the last word not his/hers dishing it out. Do not tell them that anything they have done has hurt you, that's like throwing blood in the water in front of a shark.

The best thing to do is walk away. Its pointless to confront these types. They are smart, they know what they are doing yet they don't care. Remember you are only a source for them, an object and your feelings do not come into consideration. All a confrontation will do is make the N up the anti. They will become enraged, (although they might not let you see that) and they will make some sort of retreat to gather their strength and smarts to come back with a vengenance. They see it as war and they NEVER like to lose. You cannot beg or plead with them to change, this will only feed their ego and confirm in their eyes that you idolize them. The best revenge is to quietly walk away. They will wonder why you did not make a big fuss over them and they will begin wo wonder just how important they are. They will go nuts with wondering and jealousy. Meanwhile, you get on with your life and be happy.

If you do confront them, always start with a compliment of some sort or speak in a way that feeds their ego. Never be defensive, accusatory or critical. Say something like, "I respect your intellect...etc, etc BUT I felt hurt when you....etc, etc. Narcissists FEED off any kind of compliments or positive attention. They're starved for it. So if you're going to confront them, first build them up and then tell them the truth but do it in a way that makes them feel they're still superior and in control. This is how therapists and psychologists talk to narcissists when in thearpy.