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From the environment we have the testosterone factor. The amount of testosterone we are exposed to in the womb has a lot to do with our emotions. People who had higher levels of testosterone have less empathy. This is not limited to men while we are in the womb, but after we are born men have more testosterone and this leads them to have less empathy than woman. Cultural factors play in as well. It is more acceptable for men to be mean.
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Men are lonesome creatures, they are taught to deal with their problems on their own. Their instinct in difficult times is to get away from everything to get a clearer view... Women often misinterpret that and try to hold them back... by playing the guilt game, the blame game....
Nothing is more aggressive then a man who feels trapped... hence they can get very, very mean in this situation. Just trust a man with his freedom.
Men by and large are not always mean. So the better question is "when do men act meanly, and further, how does their meanness differ from that of a woman". Women are mean, but they are more elusive about it. They tend to be passive aggressive and feel the social pressure to maintain a nice exterior. Men are often praised for being mean. In the work place they could be revered for their ability to dominate other men who follow their lead, even if it's achieved by ole Machiavellian bullying (Same school of thought which declares 'I rather be feared than loved'). Women risk being chastised as unfeminine for similar behavior. Men are mean to women when they have been traumatized in their childhoods by abusive or neglectful parents, often by their mothers. In the relationship/dating world, men who are 'mean' typically have 'mommy issues'. They act out aggressively towards women in a post-adolescent rebellion against the ill will done to them in childhood. Meanness in any person stems from hate and anger, and these men deep down hate women. Healthy men are capable of positive human emotions such as empathy, remorse, and love. But there are men (as well as women) who lack these natural abilities, the proper psychological term for this disorder is 'sociopath' (see related link for list of characteristics). These are often exceptional charmers, so their meanness isn't readily observed. Sociopathic men need willing victims around them to emotionally abuse. Acts of meanness can include infidelity, guilt trips, lack of concern, lying, and extreme egotism. Because of a sociopath's deep seeded anger, their meanness is often the most damaging and pretty much untreatable. Womanizers for instance are sociopaths. But for your average mentally stable American Joe, when he gets cranky he just needs a good cup of coffee and a massage to relax and be nice like the rest of us.
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ViviOkay so... not that I'm an authority on men ... But the fact that you've asked this question means that we're in the same predicament. I met a guy a year ago now, and while when we met he was always careful to show me his modest side, after about 7 months of dating he changed. As soon as he became comfortable with me he began to unravel like a cheap suit. Ironic seeing as he's not a very suit wearing kind of guy. But nonetheless as happened to many women out there... the once sweet amazing guy they met ... turned into the cruel person that dumps them without so much as a text... oh yeah ... it happened. And I'm glad it did. I loved him more than I've ever loved someone and it hurt more than I would ever be able to convey and still does. But he just like most guys wanted a girl that would run from him and play games with him so he can spend another 8 months trying to prove to her he's worthy ... till she falls for him too ... and he moves on to the next because he never truly believes them. And almost loses his respect for them when they do. But yeah he was the mayor of arrogance ... would only see me on his schedule made comments about my home, even the way I speak which was just ridiculous wouldn't reply to my messages till days later, and constantly told me how busy he was... like as if he was the only one of the two of us with a life that was of any importance. So why do I think he was like this? Pretty simple actually ... he's never been told otherwise. He's never been cut down to the point where it really sinks in and you have that moment where you think ... wow ... maybe I'm wrong. He's never had anyone tell him he's being arrogant because most of the time he'll be right... as much as he hurt me I know he's an amazing guy ... only problem is... he's been told that too much. So his confidence soars... and while there's nothing wrong with being confident the only time it's a problem is when they're belittling the people they're dating because of it. I'm not saying to go to whoever this guy is and just start yelling obscenities at him ... but maybe one day someone he really respects will show him, that believing you're the be all and end all isn't all it's cracked up to be.
Some guys say mean things about girls because they themselves are insecure. It's a bad thing to try and build yourself up by knocking someone else down but some guys will do that. Other guys do it just because they're mean. There are lots of nice guys out there too; choose one of the nice ones.
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