What does it mean if your drawn to certain people?

Answer 1

Your question is a bit vague, so I'm going to try to cover all the bases I can think of.

People tend to be drawn to others mostly based on their own self image and confidence level. If you feel good about yourself and you fully understand that you can't control any other adult, you are most likely to attract another person with a healthy confidence/ego level. Hopefully, you realize a basic truth; that in any situation, the only thing you have control of is your own reaction to the circumstances. If you and your partner disagree on something, but you can both calmy agree to disagree and respect that you each have your own valuable view, you will have the most important building block of a healthy relationship; Communication.

Without communication, it is almost impossible to build one of the other most important keys to a healthy relationship; Trust.

Trust in a relationship means not only you trusting the person you are with or want to be with, but you trusting in yourself. You have to trust that you are a good person and are not only worthy, but deserving of being treated lovingly. You also have to trust that the person you love is worth your love. Trust is belief. If you don't believe that you deserve the best, you won't receive it because you will settle for less and you may not even be aware of it.

If you seem to be drawn to the "wrong" kind of person, it usually means that you would benefit from some introspection and perhaps some outside counseling. Look inside yourself and find out why you are settling for a mere existance with someone who is more interested in fulfilling their own wants and needs while ignoring yours.

Often, talking with family/friends/school counselers/religious counselers can help you receive free feedback that you may not realize or think of. Don't be surprised if someone tells you something they see in you or notice about you that you thought you had well hidden. It is virtually impossible to be untrue to oneself and be truly happy. Those two ideas are opposite each other. The key is not to beat yourself up if you hear something you don't like or want to hear. Take the information as the loving help being offered by the person who gave it to you and figure out how you can use that information to improve your self confidence.

Once you feel better about yourself, you will see the bright side more often and your life will improve because of that positive attitude. The interesting thing about this is that your physical situation may remain the same, but seeing it in a different, positive light will make you happier with what you have. When you project happiness, you will attract happiness.

I've never known anyone that I see working on and enjoying a healthy, loving relationship with open, honest communication, feel the need to seek love and affection elsewhere. The people in those relationships usually know even the most intimate and embarrasing secrets about each other and they work together respectably to find a solution to any of their problems, even it if is just to agree to disagree.

The flipside to that is that I haven't experienced a whole lot of couples that have had that complete, open honesty with each other. It usually happens that one or both hold back a little bit for fear of being rejected if the other person learned some of the darker, embarrasing secrets. It is a tremendous relief and a huge, pleasant surprise to find out that if your partner truly loves you, they will accept and forgive you for something that happened in your past, and will wholeheartedly support you in moving past anything that holds you back from being able to forgive yourself for what may have happened. One cannot achieve true inner peace without being able to forgive both yourself and others for any wrongs or mistakes.

If you are currently in a relationship that just doesn't seem right or simply makes you miserable, think of how you can change your attitude and outlook to make it better, at least for yourself.

One BIG exception for this is if you are being abused in any way. If you are being abused, you don't know yourself anymore. The abuser has made you into a shell of your former self. In that situation, you need to leave and rediscover who you are. It seems like a precarious and difficult process, but if you do it, you will discover an inner strength you didn't realize you had. I've done it and although I've been through a lot of difficulty, I was and continue to be able to rise above the negativity and be extremely greatful for all that I'm blessed with.

If you are not in an abusive relationship, and your partner doesn't appreciate the changes you make to increase your happiness, perhaps they need to do some emotional and/or spiritual work on/for themself. If they refuse, of course the choice is yours to stay or leave. It is NOT NOT NOT easier just to stay in a bad relationship.

No one wants to live with someone who is always negative and selfish. If you choose to stay with someone who is negative and bitter, you will become the same way and eventually, people won't want to be around you, either. You may not even realize you are being that way, but your loved ones will see it clear as day and will want to avoid being around that bad energy.

The last bit of advice I have is please, if you have kids and are in a bad relationship, think really hard about what you are teaching them by your example. Are you teaching them that being in a miserable relationship is ok because it seems easier than leaving? Or, will you teach them that their happiness should come first and to achieve that, they may need use their own inner strength to make difficult compromises that will eventually make them stronger, more confident people?

I may have seemed preachy, but I have lived everything I have talked about, so this is all based on my experience. I don't claim to and will never know everything, but if something I've learned will help someone else in any way, I feel the tough lessons I've learned so far have been worth it.

Best of luck and blessings to you!