Do abusive men thrive on making their girlfriends and wives feel bad and why?

Answer 1

Yes they do and it's all about control. You are theirs! You are like chattel to them. By putting you down and making you feel bad they are brain-washing you and taking away your identity. Once they accomplish this, you are easier to control. They fear that you will meet someone else and they'll lose you. Abusers are very sneaky as how they attain this. It isn't that they are all that intelligent, it's just that they are weak-minded, have probably grown up in an abusive family or been hurt at sometime in their lives.

EXAMPLE: If you raise a child and tell them enough times they are useless and will never amount to much, most children will grow into useless adults. If you abuse children there is nothing they can do to protect themselves so when they grow up the rage starts to release itself and unfortunately on others in their lives that are innocent. Also, if you keep taking things away from children to be cruel, there is nothing a child can do about this, so they are completely frustrated, angry and have no way to express that anger. When they grow up they want EVERYTHING for themselves and they'll control others and fight to keep it.

Abusers can actually love their mates and it sounds crazy, but they can love them so much, they want to take their identity away from them and have their mate solely reliable on them. It's one vicious circle.

To date there is no real help for abusers, because few realize they need help and if it's pointed out to them they will blame everyone else but themselves.

If you or anyone you know is in an abusive relationship it's time to pick up what marbles you have left on the floor and hit that door and don't look back.

Marcy

AnswerThanks again Marcy. I am now away from him. He was horrible in the emotional abuse. He never hit me but the systematic demoroalization was hell. He made me feel and yes i allowed it, but he made me feel like i was so unworthy and so unloveable that he was having a hard time even being near me, then he would say how much he was attracted to me, things like this could all be said in the same conversation! He even admitted he was manipulative to me when i confronted him on all his tactics. He truly acted in a very calculating way and I never want to be around him or anyone like that again. I am now focusing on my life and moving forward to a better life. Thanks. AnswerI'm so proud of you for moving on because I know it's tough. Don't beat yourself up over this because many of us have been in abusive relationships. Abusers are so sneaky about it, and sometimes we just miss the signs of abuse until it's too late. People can get depressed and moody, so we often think they are just having a bad day. Your ex is the one that one should feel sorry for because if he doesn't get help for his problem he'll never have a good relationship in the future, but you will!

Good luck honMarcy

AnswerYour absolutley correct. I feel I am the fortunate one where I can learn and move forward. I see how the self blame kept me stuck in a no win situation. I would tell myself if I was just this or that, maybe he would change. Now I accept fully he will never change. Th focus is now on myself and my child. We both do not need any misery. Thanks