It appears that even the French don't have a term for it; if you search it up, you will find references to "femme maitre d'" just as you find references to "female maitre d'." So the answer appears to be, simply, "female maitre d'," a term which certainly would upset NOW. If we make no gender distinction with "flight attendant," why make a gender distinction with maitre d'? By now, most English speakers don't even realize that maitre d' is male. Therefore, my suggestion is to call a female maitre d' simply a maitre d' and be done with it.
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