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Why do abuse victims seek approval from the abuser and does the abuser use this as a power play?
Wiki User
∙ 6y ago
The abuser is always about control and as he/she leads his/her victim into his/her web of deceit and uncertainty he/she brain-washes his/her victim. To control her/his he/she must make her/his believe (through crafty brain-washing) that she/he is useless, can't get through life without him, is possibly ugly, too fat or too thin, a rotten mother/father, a rotten cook, can't do anything right and just plain dumb! Of course this is not true about most women/men, but if any of us were to hear this enough times in years to come we would certainly begin to believe it. After all, the abuser controls the victim's whole life so many victims have the freedom to interact with friends or sometimes even their families and she/he has no one to talk too. Either that, or she/he is too embarrassed to talk about it and fears no one would believe her. The victim has nowhere to go, and she/he believes her/his abuser and is fearful of him, so she/he complies the best way she/he can to be ALL things to him and try to please him in any way possible, and that NEVER happens. No matter how hard she/he tries he/she will never be happy with what she/he says or does. He/she doesn't want too! The only way a victim can be free and begin to gain their self respect, dignity and stand on their own two feet is if they have the strength to seek help from an abuse center where she/he will get counseling, and also sent onto a Transition House or "Safe House" to be protected from her/his abuser. She/he will be given legal counsel to go to court (especially if there are children involved) and she/he must take the programs offered to her/his so she/he will not go back to her/his abuser or pick another abusive mate. We are all under the illusion that why would a woman/man that has been mentally/physically abused ever go back to an abuser or pick another abusive partner, but the truth is, unless the victim knows where to go for help she/he is wading up to her/his neck (a feeling of drowning) because she/he has had all her/his self confidence stripped from her. She/he doesn't feel she/he can handle living on her/his own and often thinks no one would want to hire her. Perhaps she/he has no prior working experience or hasn't worked for a long time, because abusers like their victims close by and try to strip them of all their freedom. Abusers are actually very weak and spineless wonders. They have come from an environment (growing up in an abusive family) or they have become abusive during their adult life from some experience such as losing a job, a woman/man jilting him previously, etc. Some men are plain mean to the bone and have no real excuse. They are to be pitied because they will never have a good relationship because they seldom seek psychiatric help for their problem because they have the attitude they are just fine and everyone else is At Fault. Abusers are spineless wonders because they would rather pick on the weak such as, children, elderly, pets, or those mentally or physically unable, but would never stand up for themselves confronted by a person capable to protect herself/hisself. Remember hon, you are in control of your destiny and NO ONE can make you do anything unless you let them. Marcy
Wiki User
∙ 6y ago
Wiki User
∙ 18y agoThe abuser is always about control and as he leads his victim into his web of deceit and uncertainty he brain-washes his victim. To control her he must make her believe (through crafty brain-washing) that she is useless, can't get through life without him, is possibly ugly, too fat or too thin, a rotten mother, a rotten cook, can't do anything right and just plain dumb! Of course this is not true about most women, but if any of us were to hear this enough times in years to come we would certainly begin to believe it. After all, the abuser controls the victim's whole life so many victims have the freedom to interact with female friends or sometimes even their families and she has no one to talk too. Either that, or she is too embarrassed to talk about it and fears no one would believe her. The victim has nowhere to go, and she believes her abuser and is fearful of him, so she complies the best way she can to be ALL things to him and try to please him in any way possible, and that NEVER happens. No matter how hard she tries he will never be happy with what she says or does. He doesn't want too! The only way a victim can be free and begin to gain their self respect, dignity and stand on their own two feet is if they have the strength to seek help from an Abused Women's Center where she will get counseling, and also sent onto a Transition House or "Safe House" to be protected from her abuser. She will be given legal counsel to go to court (especially if there are children involved) and she must take the programs offered to her so she will not go back to her abuser or pick another abusive mate. We are all under the illusion that why would a woman that has been mentally/physically abused ever go back to an abuser or pick another abusive partner, but the truth is, unless the victim knows where to go for help she is wading up to her neck (a feeling of drowning) because she has had all her self confidence stripped from her. She doesn't feel she can handle living on her own and often thinks no one would want to hire her. Perhaps she has no prior working experience or hasn't worked for a long time, because abusers like their victims close by and try to strip them of all their freedom. Abusers are actually very weak and spineless wonders. They have come from an environment (growing up in an abusive family) or they have become abusive during their adult life from some experience such as losing a job, a woman jilting him previously, etc. Some men are plain mean to the bone and have no real excuse. They are to be pitied because they will never have a good relationship because they seldom seek psychiatric help for their problem because they have the attitude they are just fine and everyone else is at fault. Abusers are spineless wonders because they would rather pick on the weak such as women, children, elderly, pets, or even meek men, but would never stand up for themselves confronted by a confident man of the same bodily strength as the abuser. Remember hon, you are in control of your destiny and NO ONE can make you do anything unless you let them. Marcy
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The power relationship between the abuser and the victim?
The victim has no power or they would not be abused. The abuser always has the control. Children and the elderly are victimized often in society as well as men and women. The abuser will start out by abusing psychologically and 'put down' their victim until they leave their victim confused with no self confidence. The abuser may threaten to leave their victim (this is terrifying to the elderly); leave the wife and take the children; talk of killing the victim or anyone that is close to them. The abuser often isolates their victim so their victim has no family or friends to turn too and they have to suffer in silence and depend on their abuser.
How many women are victims of domestic abuse in Indiana?
DefinitionOverviewDynamics of Domestic ViolenceReactions of Domestic Violence VictimsPerpetrators of Domestic ViolenceWhy Victims May StaySuggestions for Domestic Violence SurvivorsIf Someone you Know is Involved in an Abusive RelationshipReferencesBibliographyAdditional InformationOne in every four women will experience domestic violence in her lifetime (Tjaden, Patricia et al., 2000), and females who are 20-24 years of age are at the greatest risk for intimate partner violence (U.S. Department of Justice, 2006).In 2005, 389,100 women and 78,180 men were victimized by an intimate partner. These crimes accounted for 9 percent of all violent crime. (Shannan M. Catalano, 2005).The majority (73%) of family violence victims are females: 84% were spousal abuse victims and 86% were victims at the hands of a boyfriend (U.S. Department of Justice, 2005).A 2004 study found that women living in disadvantaged neighborhoods are more than twice as likely to be the victims of intimate partner violence than women in more affluent neighborhoods (Michael Benson et al., 2004).One study found that women who have experienced any type of personal violence (even when the last episode was 14 to 30 years ago) reported a greater number of chronic physical symptoms than those who have not been abused. The risk of suffering from six or more chronic physical symptoms increased with the number of forms of violence experienced (Christina Nicolaidis et al., 2004).In 2003, lesbians, gays, bisexuals, or transgender people experienced 6,523 incidents of domestic violence; 44% were men, 36% women and 2% transgender (National Coalition of Anti-Violence Programs, 2004).DefinitionDomestic violence constitutes the willful intimidation, assault, battery, sexual assault or other abusive behavior perpetrated by one family member, household member, or intimate partner against another. In most state laws addressing domestic violence, the relationship necessary for a charge of domestic assault or abuse generally includes a spouse, former spouse, persons currently residing together or those that have within the previous year, or persons who share a common child. In addition, as of 2007, a majority of states provide some level of statutory protection for victims of dating violence. For more information on laws pertaining to domestic violence, please see the GET HELP bulletin, Domestic Violence and the Law. OverviewDomestic violence has been present since the early days of recorded history, and was even sanctioned in English common law as late as the early twentieth century. The women's movement in the 1970s, which brought to light the social plight of women and advocated for women's rights, fostered a growing concern over the treatment of women in the home. In response to this increase in public consciousness, shelters and resources were established to provide assistance to victims of domestic violence. The first shelter for battered women was established in 1974. Since then, hundreds of shelters and domestic violence programs throughout the United States provide emotional, financial, vocational, and sometimes legal assistance and support to domestic violence survivors and their children. Domestic violence affects not only those abused, but witnesses, family members, co-workers, friends, and the community at large. Children who witness domestic violence are victims themselves and growing up amidst violence predisposes them to a multitude of social and physical problems. Constant exposure to violence in the home and abusive role models teaches these children that violence is a normal way of life and places them at risk of becoming society's next generation of victims and abusers.Dynamics of Domestic ViolenceDomestic violence is about power and control. The abuser wants to dominate the victim/survivor and wants all the power in the relationship-and uses violence in order to establish and maintain authority and power. Perpetrators of domestic violence are usually not sick or deranged, but have learned abusive, manipulative techniques and behaviors that allow them to dominate and control others and obtain the responses they desire. An abuser will often restrict a victim's outlets, forbidding the victim to maintain outside employment, friends, and family ties. This has an isolating effect, leaving victims with no support system, and creating dependency. Abusers also limit a survivor's options by not allowing access to checking accounts, credit cards or other sources of money or financial independence.Perpetrators of domestic violence may constantly criticize, belittle and humiliate their partners. Causing the victim to feel worthless, ugly, stupid and crazy does not allow for a survivor's healthy self-perception. Low self-esteem may contribute to victims feeling they deserve the abuse, affecting their ability to see themselves as worthy of better treatment.Reactions of Domestic Violence VictimsDomestic violence victims are often exposed repeatedly to threats, violence, intimidation, and physical, emotional and psychological abuse. Constant, repeated exposure to violence has a profound effect on a victim's daily activities and functioning, thinking, interpersonal relationships, and sense of self. Some victims, because of the chronic nature of the violence, may develop Posttraumatic Stress Disorder, a mental health disorder characterized by flashbacks, significant anxiety, depression and fatigue. Other reactions a domestic violence survivor may experience include:Fear;Nightmares and sleep disturbances;Anxiety;Anger;Difficulty concentrating;Depression;Low self-esteem;Shame and embarrassment;Chronic physical complaints;Substance abuse;Social withdrawal;Feelings of helplessness and hopelessness;Self-blame;Numbness; andHypervigilance (inability to relax, jumpiness)Domestic violence victims will often blame their own behavior, rather than the violent actions of the abuser. Victims may try continually to alter their behavior and circumstances in order to please the abuser-believing that if they follow certain rules and make sure the abuser is happy-they will not be hurt. However, violence perpetrated by abusers is often self-driven and depends little on victims' actions or words.Domestic violence victims may minimize the seriousness of incidents in order to cope, and not seek medical attention or assistance when needed. Victims, because they fear the perpetrator and may be ashamed of their situation, may be reluctant to disclose the abuse to family, friends, work, the authorities, or victim assistance professionals. As a consequence, they may suffer in silence and isolation.Perpetrators of Domestic ViolenceThere is no typical domestic violence perpetrator, but psychologists have identified some common characteristics. Many abusers suffer from low self-esteem, and their sense of self and identity is tied to their partner. Therefore, if abusers feel they are somehow losing the victim, either through separation, divorce, emotional detachment, or pregnancy (fearing victims will replace love for them with love for a child), they will lash out. If victims "leave" through any of these methods, abusers feel they are losing power, control, and their self-identity. This is why it is particularly dangerous for victims during periods of separation or divorce from their partner. Abusers will often do anything to maintain control and keep the victim under control. This dynamic also makes escalating violence inevitable, as many victims must become emotionally unavailable, or must physically leave, in order to survive. While the public may think of domestic violence abusers as out of control, crazy, and unpredictable, the contrary is most often true. Use of psychological, emotional, and physical abuse intermingled with periods of respite, love, and happiness are deliberate coercive tools used to generate submission. Abusers may violently assault, then minutes later offer words of regret. Many will buy gifts of flowers, candy and other presents in order to win favor and forgiveness. This creates a very confusing environment for victims. Abusers may say they will never harm their partners again, and promise to obtain help or counseling. Often, these promises are only made to prevent victims from leaving. Without getting help, the violence will most likely recur.The violence used by abusers is controlled and manipulative. Victims often can predict exactly when violence will erupt. Many law enforcement officers have commented on their surprise at finding significant evidence of a violent incident, a harmed victim, and a composed perpetrator casually speaking with officers as if nothing occurred.Finally, many victims describe domestic violence perpetrators as having a "Jekyll and Hyde" personality. Abusers often experience dramatic mood swings of highs and lows. They may be loving one minute, and spiteful and cruel the next. Abusers are frequently characterized by those outside the home as generous, caring, and good, and behave drastically differently in their home environment. Perpetrators of domestic violence are rarely violent to those outside of their domicile.Why Victims May StayVery few individuals would become involved in a relationship they knew to be violent. Domestic violence has subtle origins. What starts out as love, courtship and concern, may turn into domination, forced adherence to rigid sex roles and obsessive jealousy. Victims are not masochists. They do not enjoy being hurt, abused, battered and controlled. Victims may stay with someone who is abusing them for various reasons which include: Fear of the abuser;Love;Threats to harm the victim, loved ones or pets;Threats of suicide;Believing the abuser will take their children;Religious reasons;Believing the abuser will change;Self-blame;Limited financial options;Believing that violence is normal;Believing in the sanctity of marriage and the family;Limited housing options;Blaming the abuse on alcohol, financial pressures, or other outside factors;Low self-esteem;Fear of the unknown, of change;Isolation;Embarrassment and shame;Believing no one can help;Cultural beliefs;Denial; andPressure from friends and family to stay.Suggestions for Domestic Violence SurvivorsContact a local domestic violence program. These programs are in many communities around the country and can provide: counseling and support groups; information about legal options, the criminal justice system, and social services; shelter; attorney referrals; vocational counseling; safety planning; and case advocacy. Programs will assist victims regardless of their decision to stay in, or leave, the relationship.Create a comprehensive safety plan. With assistance from a victim service professional, victims should create an individualized plan for safety in all situations, including a checklist of necessary items to take when leaving an abusive situation. For more safety planning suggestions, please refer to the GET HELP bulletin entitled, Domestic Violence: Safety Plan Guidelines.Consider legal options. In every state, domestic violence is a crime. For information on criminal penalties for abusers, and protections for victims through the criminal justice system, victims should contact local law enforcement or prosecutor's office. Reporting domestic violence incidents may raise safety concerns, so this option should be discussed with a victim service professional. Whether victims choose to report, it may be helpful to document evidence of abuse (i.e., pictures, witness statements, tape recordings), to be used in criminal proceedings, or in custody or divorce hearings. Every state also has a process for obtaining civil protective orders (also known as no contact orders, or restraining orders) that prohibit contact between an abuser and a victim. For more information on civil protective orders, victims should contact a local domestic violence program.If Someone you Know is Involved in an Abusive RelationshipBecome involved. Advise victims of ways you can help (i.e., providing housing, money, child care, etc.). Help victims locate shelter and resources. Offer to call attorneys or make appointments with social service agencies. Provide transportation to the appointments and support throughout the decision-making process. If you hear a violent incident occurring, call the police.Demonstrate concern. Tell victims the abuse is not their fault. Let them know you are afraid for their welfare and the welfare of their children. Many victims may not be able to see the harm violence does to their family until someone outside the family voices their concern. Hearing that others see the effects of violence on the children will often prompt victims to seek assistance.Provide support and encouragement. Victims should hear from friends and family that they are worth better treatment and deserve to be loved. Supportive positive messages may enable victims to find the strength within themselves to escape the violence. Understand if victims are reluctant to leave: staying may be a survival strategy. Let victims know you are willing to help when they are ready to ask for assistance
Anthony Bosworth appeared on Judge Judy?
Anthony Bosworth Sr. was sued by his ex-wife for false arrest and abuse of power.
How According to Crusoe what characteristic do the mutineers have that makes them unsuitable masters?
cruelty (APEX)
Why the people hated the Bastille?
The Bastille was a prison used by the French monarchy, where people could be imprisoned at the whim of the monarch. It therefore symbolized the abuse of power by the monarchy.
What makes people vulnerable to abuse and the power relationship between the abuser and the victim?
the abuser is called sadist & the victim is called masochist.
The congress has the power of approval?
yes the congress have the power of approval
Describe three factors that may make individuals more vulnerable to abuse than others?
factors may include if the individual has a mental disability such as dementia or not having mental capacity. If the individual is secluded or isolated or are vulnerable. There could also be factors for the abuser which could include the abuser having lack of training, also abusing their power. sometimes personal issues have a part to play which could include the carer/abuser being stressed or having a history of abuse and continuing the cycle
What do you call it when people abuse the power they have?
When people abuse the power they have, it is commonly referred to as abuse of power or power abuse.
Can a spouse abuser be rehabilitated?
I am no expert on this, or anything else, for that matter, but I would suspect the answer is no. Spousal abuse is like any other form of bullying; it is a power game. The abuser has no respect for the abused person; there is no love in the relationship. NO!!! And if he tells you he is, he isn't. Don't believe it. Get out and get a real man that doesn't need to use his fist. You are better than that.
Can a supervisor be demoted for abuse of power?
Yes, a supervisor can be demoted for abuse of power.
When was Abuse of Power created?
Abuse of Power was created on 2011-08-16.
What is abuse of police power?
If he smacks you with a shoe, it is abuse.
Why is it that many abuser programs stress education about abuse and confronting the abuser rather than holding the abuser accountable for his actions and forcing him to change?
I volunteer at an Abused Women's Center and there are good programs for the victim to learn what is abuse, why it's wrong, and how to get out of the relationship. It gives you the tools to be confident once again and gives the victim a chance to stand on their own two feet and actually have a life of their own (and their children if they have any.) Victims of abuse don't always realize that they have been brain-washed by having their confidence level taken down to zero (or they wouldn't be sticking around) and the feeling that they simply can't make it out in the real world (the abuser sees to that!) These programs teach you otherwise and that your abuser was brain-washing the victim to make her think she was good for nothing and needed him because she'd never make it out in that big scary world. Not true! I have never once heard in counseling of abused women in the Center I am in where they tell you to confront their abuser. That's simply too dangerous. We have counselors that help the victims make a plan to get away, then set things up where they are taken to a "safe house" or "Transition House" where they are safe from harm. I don't even know where these "safe houses" are and only the counselor in charge does. These "safe houses" give programs to help the woman regain their strength mentally and physically, and regain her power to keep herself safe and also, to learn not to get back into another abusive relationship and learn the signs of abusive behavior. The RCMP in British Columbia actually have programs to help women defend themselves. It is true that in the past there were few laws that protected the victim from the abuser. Things are changing every single day. There are laws in certain States now (Nancy Reagan is fighting for the Rights of Women) and also Theresa Saldana (a victim of abuse and a savage attack ... stabbed many times, but survived) have also managed to change laws. Abusers ARE now being made responsible for their actions. At least in British Columbia if the police are called to a "domestic abuse" situation they use to be held up legally by the victim being too afraid to press charges against her abuser, but now the police can actually arrest the abuser without her blessing. If you would like any further detailed information please just post me back. Marcy
The power relationship between the abuser and the victim?
The victim has no power or they would not be abused. The abuser always has the control. Children and the elderly are victimized often in society as well as men and women. The abuser will start out by abusing psychologically and 'put down' their victim until they leave their victim confused with no self confidence. The abuser may threaten to leave their victim (this is terrifying to the elderly); leave the wife and take the children; talk of killing the victim or anyone that is close to them. The abuser often isolates their victim so their victim has no family or friends to turn too and they have to suffer in silence and depend on their abuser.
How do state legislatures abuse their redistricting power?
how do state legislatures abuse their redistricting power
Why does your abuser act like you have no good opinions and can say nothing right?
The abuser makes a critical psychological mistake called assumption. He assumes it's ok to abuse you. Why is it ok to abuse you? Because he makes another assumption: you are always wrong. He is predisposed to it. Also, he assumes that you are weaker; thus not only are you always wrong and he always right (according to him, because of another assumption: the strongest is always right), but you also cannot defend yourself. You do not have the power. Mind that this is all only in his mind and that none of the above is usually (if not ever) correct.
