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Why is it so difficult to get over a relationship with a narcissist?
Grvtattoo
Im going through the same thing you are. I know it sux, but im finally over him! I just took up writing all my problems down and just went over everything he has ever said to me and i finally relized that everything was just bull crap to him i did'NT mean nothing to him. My problem and most girls as well they all think that they did something wrong and "if i only treated him better i would still be with him" But i did'NT do any thing wrong. And im sure you didnt either. All they are in it for is fun and just thank god that your not with him anymore because now you can start over and make a new life for youself a way better one too. Just stay strong and just remember that you could'NT have done any thing to make this happen! And try to find a better honest sweet guy there are some of them out there still just have hope and be aware of the ppl you get involved with and think to yourself "do i really need to put myself through this again" cuz you and me both diserve better than that. See ths is how i see it hes gunna be doing this forever while your happy and have moved on to bigger and better things. I just feel sorry for the next victim. Love, Peace and chicken grease! :)
AnswerA simple answer to the questions is this: The narcissist has no feelings of their own, but they need feelings from others to survive, like emotional vampires. One way to get this supply is to 'push the right buttons'. They instantly seek out week points and while charming at times they make you feel that any problem is YOUR fault. They create a vicious cricle of dependence, little by little crushing your self-esteem and confidence so that any fight is all but driven from you. A good analogy would be heroine, a first people take it to feel good but it has such a devestating effect on the body that once withdrawal sets in they need to take it to stop feeling 'bad'. A relationship with a Narcissist/Psychopath can be like this, at first it feels good, the praise, the kindness etc but suddenly it all turns and it is your fault. So for the rest of the realtionship you are on tip toes in order to stop him feeling bad and hurting you. Going cold turkey may seem hard to do and often the craving for the old relationship is still there, however do it, get away, run away and soon you will realise you are missing nothing positive, it was not your fault, and you are not responsible for other peoples problems. Wishing you well. Keep looking on the web, there is a great Yahoo group called Nacissists I don't have the link to hand but if you search I am sure you will find it easily.You are well rid. AnswerAfter 10 years living with a female narcissist, believe me, 'it ain't easy'! She was the perfect trophy woman...5ft 2in, blue eyes, hourglass figure (uh huh!), light brown hair with blond highlights... and I thought she loved me, or so she told me... I have been separated from her for about 2 months, and I have had no contact with her. She told me has "moved on with her life" and has completely isolated me from her and her family... I did have an occasion to cross paths with her, and it was nerv racking! My heart was racing, my stomach was churning, and I was shaking... Gee, think I still had feelings for her? even when she was seen kissing and hanging on her boss in public 4 or 5 days after I moved out... Hmmmmm I think she lied to me about her love for me? even after she told me her boss was a no good womanizer, and she would never get involved with him... Gosh, when I stopped by the house about 10 days later, i found clothes and shoes belonging to him in her closet??? and a photo of the two of them together on the wall... (in the ten years we spent together, she never hung or displayed a photo of us anywhere in the house we bought together)... Now that I am away from her, I begin to see how subtle and devious her abuse was. She teased me with her body just enough to keep my interest, and she paid just enough attention to me to keep me believing that she was still interested in "us"... while all the time she was flirting and teasing every male that she came in contact with. When I would begin to voice my protest, she had a VERY practical answer, and somehow made me feel guilty I was feeling jealous!... multiply this with the 10 years I spent under her 'thumb'(she was extremely adept at making all her arguments sound resonable and pracical) and I eventually would never argue or cross her... After all, I Love her, right? Yes I stil do love her, but I don't like her very much any more. I am not been happy with my physical raction to coming in contact with her, but time is the ony cure for the abuse I was put through. I may not have been bruising physical abuse, but it was definitely abuse non the less... She is a master at manipulation, and verbal judo. she could practically control everything I did, and she drained me emotionally... and the longer I stay away from her, the more I se what kind of control she had over me... I was no more than a paycheck and ranch hand, to keep the perfect home and property up for looks. Money and looks, the most important things in her life. thet is why she forced me to move out, I did not fit into her ideal life, I am a woman....Not a professional opinion, this is just an observation from someone who experienced it first hand....Wiki User
∙ 12y ago
Wiki User
∙ 8y agoUnderstand .. I loved my N with all my heart, maintained hope and attempting trust to the very end. I am someone you could call .. highly sensitive, empathetic. After 4 years of continuously keeping my guard up, continuously setting my boundaries .. in stone, I was emotionally and physically exhausted. In the beginning I was totally blown away by someone that I cared about saying some of the most thoughtless and unkind things I had ever heard in the guise of being 'direct' or 'honest'. Most of the time he could be gentle, funny and sweet to me, but it would not last, there were those little talks he asked to have, with the supposed purpose of communicating his needs and my failures. It broke my heart, over and over. I would tell him to hit the road .. he would apologize, saying he had changed / agreed with me / wanted to prove how much he really loved me. On my birthday a few years ago, he took me out to eat and before food arrived he told me he had been talking to his ex-online-girlfriend several times a week, late at night. She would tell him how great he was, how tremendously talented, what a wonderful person he was. She would tell him that she could see him becoming a recording star, that his voice was so very beautiful. I am a lifetime musician, and he had a nice, average quality voice .. but even if he had an extraordinary talent, most people don't break into the music business at 50. I appreciated his diligence, encouraged improvement and listened to everything he did, but I couldn't be dishonest with him. I didn't understand his need for the spotlight. When he told me about his ex it felt like he had stuck a knife in my gut. I felt nauseous. I felt extraordinarily betrayed and humiliated. I told him he had just admitted to an emotional affair. He maintains he did nothing wrong. I had noticed the emotional pull away, noticed he hadn't been calling to tell me about his day. Seemed closed off and business like with me for awhile. I broke it off, but he came back promising never to speak to her again, stating I was the only woman he had ever loved, etc. I realized over time that he used confidences as weapons, choosing words that seemed to have the purpose of inflicting maximum pain, hitting insecurities, yet assuring he never had ill intent. Again, 2 years later .. I feel the pull away, inability to make eye contact. Yes .. the ex is back in the picture. Deal breaker to the 10th degree. He said his failure was in being honest, I told him his failure was in doing something he felt needed to be hidden. I finally decided, we cannot be friends, cannot maintain contact in any way. I cannot allow an open door for him to manipulate. Being connected to him is emotionally devastating. He is a cold-hearted predator. He needs me to feel responsible for our failings and he has no ability to feel remorse or empathy. I am emotionally drained to the last drop. I don't like the angry and damaged person I have become around him. 6 weeks after blocking his phone and refusing to allow him in the house, my world is beginning to feel safe again. I see glimmers of contentment and peace. Activities and hobbies that had been pushed aside are now interesting and fun again. I am reconnecting with family and friends and they are supporting and loving me. Each day I feel a little stronger and experience little things that make me smile. I have got a lot of healing to do before I want to consider dating again. I need to learn to love me again and restore faith in my own worth, and belief that I deserve a relationship based on love, trust and respect.
Wiki User
∙ 16y agoBeen there, played that game! The first you thing you have to do is let go of the idea of if only: I'd been (better looking, thinner, smarter, whatever), or tried a little harder, or been a little more patient, etc. You really need to get that it had nothing to do with you and everything to do with them; their imperfections, illnesses, baggage. Try the book "Help, I'm in Love With A Narcissist!" Julia Sokol and Steven ???. Good Luck!!
Wiki User
∙ 13y agoBecause of 2 things: 1. Cognitive Dissonance and 2. mild to severe PTSD. The book 'Women Who Love Psychopaths' by Sandra Brown, MA answers this question (do not be put off by the title)
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Can relationship make you a narcissist?
not so much a narcissist but for sure you will notice in hindsight that you were beginning to act like those morons do.......a co-dependent
Why do you grieve so much now that your narcissist father has died?
You grieve for the relationship you SHOULD have had.
How do you help a narcissist?
The question is help them how? Refer them to counseling, but they don't want to be fixed, though you may want to fix them to be a 'normal' person so you can keep a relationship with them. If you are a lay person and in a relationship with a narcissist, you cannot help them. Just by the nature of your relationship and the pathology of a narcissist, things will get ugly, it will be at your expense and there will be no change in the narcissist. A good therapist will be the one to help a narcissist, but it takes a great deal of work on the part of the narcissist, a commitment to healing, only they don't see themselves as 'broken' or anything wrong with them, so an honest introspective communication with a therapist is rare. It's so hard to understand. Leaving them is best for you though and isn't that sad that that is also the way to help a narcissist, because they are sucking your goodness from you and using it to buoy themselves. So sad.
What is the meaning of a difficult relationship?
To me a difficult relationship is one you don't really understand, don't feel part of, have no say in or have no control over. google is really good for these type of Q's. so is yahoo answers !
If a narcissist marries someone with Borderline Personality Disorder do they have a better chance of making the marriage work longterm?
In my humble opinion, they have no chance of any meaningful relationship because of the inability to love. This is a very difficult combination; the borderline will have a deep fear of rejection and so does the narcissist. The Narcissist is likely to lie and cheat which compounds the Borerlines fear of rejection, the lack of empathy from the narcissist replays the early injuries to the Borderline. There is a very good book. The Narcissistic/Borderline Couple - A Psychoanalytic Perspective on marital treatment.
Would a narcissist need to be in a relationship all the time?
Pretty much - they need a worshipper & a scapegoat. Pathetic how they can't be alone so STAY AWAY from them!
Will he block you out of his narcissist life?
Mine did. I dumped him and he blocked me from everything because I was so angry and called him names and wouldn't get over my anger. He said I hurt him because I called him a "coward", "a narcissist", "a jerk", "stupid", etc. so he blocked me completely.
Is a Narcissist not able to function after long term relationship?
Sure they are. They just "say" that to make you feel sorry so they can stick around and drain you dry. Get rid of them.
Do narcissists or people with PDs try to rekindle relationships even if they've been dumped?
A "true" narcissist will always, without fail, attempt to hang onto any relationship in which the narcissist gains "narcissistic supply." A "true" narcissist will not be deterred! They will do what it takes, say what it takes and follow-up with whatever actions are necessary to hang onto narcissistic supply. They will attempt to rekindle the broken relationship because they do not accept the fact that the relationship is over. If you respond in any manner...ie...phone calls, text messages, letters...etc...the narcissist accepts this as proof that he still holds some interest in your life. He will remain relentless in his attempt to gain any attention whatsoever from his supply...ie...you! You may find it flattering that someone seems so attached to you that they will do anything to keep you around, but just know that you are not a human being in the sense that we are human beings. People, to the "true" narcissist", are simply objects in which to gain the attention they so desperately crave. If you can accept that fact (and it is a fact) feel free to continue a relationship with a narcissist. However, if you ever wish to have a meaningful and intimate relationship, you should search out and find a healthy human being. The narcissist will always be a narcissist and there is nothing in the world that will change that fact. Nothing! It is unfortunate because, generally speaking, narcissists are talented, charming and successful people. They simply do not possess empathy or compassion for any human on the planet. Those emotions are not present in the narcissist nor will they ever become present. The part of the psychological make up found in normal-healthy minds is absolutely missing in the narcissist. EXAMPLE: If a person were born without legs, that person could have artificial legs attached. However, the artificial legs will never "grow" naturally. A person born without empathy or the capacity to love does have the ability to observe the behaviors of others who feel empathy and love. The narcissist can learn to mimick the behaviors of empathy and love. The narcissist will never have the ability to "grow" feelings of empathy or love. That simple!
What dos a narcissist do when he ends the relationship?
They leave without feeling anything. most likely they already have an auxiliary supply ready to tap in to (the next sucker). People are objects to a narcissist, so to them it is like buying a new cell phone and throwing the old one in a junk drawer and forgetting about it.
You left your narcissist but he pretends like he left you Why?
Narcissists have a natural ability to turn any situation in their favor (in their own minds, of course!). If they feel it is important that they are the one who "left" the relationship, then in their minds, they are, in fact, the one who left the relationship. If it were to their benefit that you "left" the relationship, then that is the way it would be (in their own minds, of course!). There is no way to change the mind of the N and the N will so adamantly believe they left the relationship, the belief becomes the truth for them. You do know that it is of no importance who exited the relationship. The important factor is that you are free of the narcissist and if you have any hope of living a peaceful life, you will keep it that way!
Will a narcissist admit they aren't good at something?
Oh yes,they do in the begin fase of the relationship to gain your trust and look normal and human,but is just a mask so you feel comfortable with them...Be careful...
