Which US President gets the award for the coolest sideburns ever?

Answer 1

To answer such a question, one must examine all 44 presidents.

• George Washington: The first President of the United States also had one of the greatest sideburns in history. His curly white hair continued to his jaw line and was very well groomed. This president would have been elected for sheer sideburns alone.
• John Adams: The second president was somewhat lacking in the side burn area. Although his hair was very well groomed, it ended right at the ear line, leaving his skin bare where a side burn should be. You would think that he would have learned a few things from his former President.
• Thomas Jefferson: Although his style was similar to that of Washington's, these sideburns were not up to par. His hair being longer then his former presidents, his sideburns remain absent, leaving the public screaming for more.
• James Madison: The "Father of the Constitution" is one of the most decorated presidents of all time. However, his sideburns fail to inspire any revolution. With his hair ending at his ear line, the average American is left wishing for more.
• James Monroe: Once again, no President has yet to live up to his infamous sideburns. Monroe's short hair could never acquire such a side burn, though his Vice President Tompkins had a lovely head of hair, including sideburns.
• John Quincy Adams: Adam's moon shaped head was already balding before he hit office therefore he was in no shape to take Washington's crown. Perhaps his Vice President Calhoun could put up a fair fight.
• Andrew Jackson: Finally, a man worth duking it out with Washington's side burn domination. Jackson's hair was one that could inspire an army, wildly moving every which way during battle, but calmly settling just in time for a photo op. His side burns, though short, add a bit of spice that was lacking from previous presidents. Although he does not overtake Washington, he is defintly a worthy opponent.
• Martin Van Buren: It seems that Jackson has brought sideburns back in style. This is apparent by Buren's sideburns, that fray to the side. They curve down his jaw line, as majestic as the seven seas. Buren is worthy of the title and takes the lead from Washington.
• William Henry Harrison: Harrison must have not received a memo due to this apparent fashion fotwa. The short hair, and zero sideburns make it near impossible to claim the title from Buren.
• John Tyler: Tyler must have thought Harrison was an inspiration because the short hair domination continued to reign. Though he was the "Accidental President," his lack of hairstyle was no mistake.
• James Polk: Many say that Polk was one of the greatest presidents, due to the fact that he served one term and resigned. Although, it is fair to say he has the worst sideburns in history. Zero orginality, as well as zero inspiration comes from this head of hair.
• Zachary Taylor: One of the greatest generals of the U.S. army also makes the sideburn cry sweet tears of joy. Instead of following the general cliche jaw line sideburn, Taylor had his hair follow his cheek bones. With orginality such as this, Taylor will receive the title so far.
• Millard Fillmore: As if you were going from greatness to tragety is the story of Fillmore's sideburns. One of the worst in American history.
• Franklin Pierce: Much like Fillmore, Pierce's sideburns are as smooth as a baby's bottom. No award will go to this president.
• James Buchanan: "Old Buck" dropped the ball on this one. Perhaps he should have focued less on the Civil War and more on his sideburns.
• Abraham Lincoln: Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, I give you the cream of the crop. The motherload, the head honcho, the kind of all kings. The perfect sideburns. Not only did Lincoln aid in ending the Civil War, but his well-groomed sideburns could easily maintain world peace. Lincoln is now the proud owner of "coolest sideburns."
• Andrew Johnson: Johnson's sideburns are similar to how a father would feel if his son took up ballet instead of football. Utterly disappointed; however, sure that his bare skin will make him happy.
• Ulysses S. Grant: Protruding a full beard from his chi, that ran up to his ear line. Although this counts as a sideburn, it is not a full one, one to be proud of and worthy of the title.
• Rutherford Birchard Hayes: Lincon must have made the sideburn cool again because Hayes rocked the side hair. Like a champ, this president had a clear even coat of hair. Though in comparison to Lincoln, Hayes falls just short. A good try though.
• James Garfield: Garfiled could easily have taken the title, if not for his messy hair above the sideburn. This makes him look messy as well as dirty.
• Chester Alan Arthur: Arthur has amazing sideburns. They curl up his jaw line perfectly, and stick out. Though, his light hair hinders Arthur. Narrowly missing the title held by Lincoln. Though Arthur comes in a close second.
• Grover Cleveland: Cleveland decided to be different, bringing short hair back in business. Therefore no sideburn thophy for this man.
• Benjamin Harrison: Harrison would not be oppressed by Ceveland's negativity. Breaking from the pack, the sideburn will not be put down. Harrison was successful in having a sideburn, but not a contender for the prize.
• William McKinley: Once again, the side burn was put on hold, McKinley died in office without the joy of a sideburn.
• Theodore Roosevelt: Good old Teddy was a fantastic leader. Though the sideburn was just not for him. Some guys have it, some don't.
• William Taft: Taft was also not a fan of the sideburn, though a large fan of the point mustache.
• Woodrow Wilson: This clean cut president did not bother with unsightly sideburns. How nieve he was.
• Warren Harding: Harding had zero facial hair, including sideburns.
• Calvin Coolidge: Coolidge was a large fan of the military cut; therefore, no sideburns.
• Herbert Hoover: Even though his last name rocks, his lack of sideburns do not.
• Franklin Roosevelt: His clean cut hair had no room for sideburns obviously
• Harry S. Truman: Once again, no sideburns for this president.
• Dwight D. Eisenhower: Zero sideburns... again.
• John F. Kennedy: Although he was one of the best looking presidents, his lack of sideburns keep him from the title.
• Lyndon Johnson: Nope, no sideburns again
• Richard Nixon: Though he declared "I am not a criminal", his lack of sideburns certaintly was.
• Gerald Ford: No sideburns
• James Carter Jr: Though he has small sideburns, they do not live up to the quailty of Lincoln.
• Ronald Regan: Zero sideburns
• George Bush (senior): Nope... none.
• William Clinton: Clinton didn't need sideburns, that was apparent.
• George W. Bush: Nope none
• Barack Obama: Though he was the first African American president, he jumped on the band wagon of zero sideburns.

In conclusion:

The winner is obviously Zachary Taylor