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My advice: Stop cheating and resolve never to do it again. Keep yourself away from tempting situations. Forgive yourself and seek counseling if you find the guilt too much to bear. But if you've genuinely made a mistake and have resolved never to repeat it, I would advise not telling your wife. I'm not advocating dishonesty, but if there is no way she could find out, then what she never knows will never hurt her. If, however, there is a way she could find out, you might want to tell her first so that she hears it from you and not someone else. It's a sticky situation, but then when was cheating ever not complicated?

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15y ago
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6y ago

First of all, my sympathies. Your wife has injured, maybe even destroyed, your ability to trust her. Trust is one of the most valuable parts of a relationship.

You have a choice to make: end the marriage, or try to fix it. Hopefully, your wife wants the same thing. If she doesn't, you have no healthy choice but to divorce.

If you choose to end the marriage, try to do it firmly but fairly. Honor the love you once had, but get a lawyer.

If you choose to try to fix it (and I hope you do, frankly), the two of you are probably going to need counseling. Meet with a couples counselor and see if you can work with him or her. (Reputable therapists will "give you" that meeting, and only charge for it if you decide to use their services.) It really helps to shop around a bit -- try to interview three therapists, then choose the one the two of you feel most comfortable with.

The pain of this may be with you for a long time. But if the two of you come through it, your marriage may actually emerge stronger. Good luck!

I read an article by John Gray.

He said that cheating is in a way...good!

Now! listen!!!

What he means is this!

That cheating can be used as a barometer to see what is missing!

There is where you need to look at/for! Yes! cheating is not good.

But! it is something worth looking into!

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Q: What to do if your wife cheats on you?
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