What tactics and techniques do narcissistic ministers use with their adherents?

Answer 1

Well, I guess I'm qualified to answer this one. I was married to a narcissist minister for 29 years. Then one day, three weeks before our daugher's wedding, he came to my office, told me he had had an affair with the church pianist, that her husband had discovered it, and reported him to church authorities. I, good little NS, replied that I would help him through this. He responded, No, you don't understand, you'll get your place, I'll get mine. It took me a while to figure out what I had been married to, but I did. That's another story. Now the answer. One thing he did was falsely claim he was a graduate of a famous university in Great Britain. The fact was had been graduated from a non-accredited school in the U.S. affiliated with that institution, and had taken a two week seminar there. People believed him and gave him the appropriate admiration. They also tended to support him blindly because of his august achievements. He also greatly exaggerated the amount of times he had been published. This is consistent with the tendency of narcissists to exaggertate and inflate their achievements. In short he manipulated his congregation by lies that kept them from questioning him, or challenging his point of view. Another thing he did was really "do" an excellent sermon, which he always preached in his doctoral robe. He really enjoyed the kudos at the church door. Now, this might not seem manipulative, but he fed on the emotion of the congregation as he controlled it by his words. He did truly work hard on the sermons, because of the great pay-off. The rest of the week, he did nothing but sit on the couch sipping a Pepsi and chomping chips, and watching the television. He hated hospital visitation, and rarely did it. He did not visit parishioners at home. In front of me, he constantly made fun of his parishioners, saw them as inferior, and weak. He felt no compassion for them, but when in their presence could convincingly fake it. He took especial pride in his funeral sermons. He had a knack for saying the right things, and it seemed he provided comfort to the hearers. However, he never shed a tear, or mourned with them. He cultivated an impression among the congregation that he lived a life above reproach, and was kind to his family, as well as extrememly devoted to them. In fact, he was the last person the congregation would have suspected could be an adulterer. Some were certain I had to have driven him to it. I can remember being told many times during those years how fortunate I was to be married to such a saintly man. Others knew much better, and were very kind to me. We moved often. In retrospect, I think it was because people in the various congregations began to sense the lack of genuine empathy, his basic hollowness. They found him arrogant, in the end. They quit being his supply. He had to move on to find new admirers. Normal people sense the genuine, and the fake, after a while. I have been divorced from him for a few years, and am still trying to sort out all the answers to questions like why I was his supply for all those years, and why I could not see him for what he was. It really hurt to find out that my version of him was not real, and that he did not love me...ever. But, thanks be to God Our Father, the Truth has set me free, and I am free indeed! And him? Well, I fear to say he's pastoring another church...