What should you do if you've been married 34 years and your husband had an affair 9 years ago that produced a child and now he's having a second affair and he keeps pictures of her and cries over her?

Answer 1

I totally agree with the last poster. This man is immature and he's continuing to cheat so therapy isn't about to help him. Life is too precious to lose on second and third chances! Marcy You were gracious enough to forgive him the first time (which I believe in) and tried to make a go of your marriage, but this time is unforgivable! He's got the "Peter Pan Syndrome" (he doesn't want to grow up) and he's acting like a love-sick child. He hasn't got the guts to be a man and just come out and ask you for a divorce so he's acting like a love-sick child and whining to you about this woman. From approximately 40 up, men go through "andropause" (similar to menopause for women) and some men feel they have failed themselves miserably and have this deep need to see if they can attract someone else's attention besides their wives. Your husband can't make himself be the one to walk away from you and he wants YOUR permission to do so, so he won't feel so guilty. Don't give him permission, but get him out of there! It's time you kicked this guy to the curb and you be sure that you get your fair share of everything! Also, see if you can get the house (if you live in a house) because there is no reason you should be hiking all over town looking for another place to live. As much as it hurts your heart let him go live with this woman. Trust me, "the head of the snake always turns around and bites you in the butt." Until he decides to grow up he'll never have a good relationship with anyone. My first husband was not only cheating on me (had a mistress) but he also became mentally abusive and later became physically abusive. It took me 3 1/2 years to finally see he would never change and I kicked him to the curb and moved on. I do know how it feels to be so-called "replaced" by another woman, and I was partially blaming myself for our split-up (but later told by many it was not my fault) and I was also lonely for a few months, but when I got all that past me it felt so good to be free, to have a chance to know who I was and just how strong I was and I didn't need my ex in my life. I had good family and friends, a good job and I had a blast. I eventually met and married a wonderful man and we've been married for 34 years. Pack his things and get him out that door! If he wants her, let her have him and with all the problems that go along with him. I will warn you ... be prepared in a few months that he'll be knocking at your door begging you to take him back. Don't do it! Good luck hon Marcy First off, get a good idea of your financial situation in case of a separation or a divorce. If you can, privately discuss what you can expect with an attorney. Get an idea of what your income would be on your own, what living arrangements you would have. As far as your marriage, you're going to have to make the decision whether you want to stay with your husband or not. If you decide to stay married, he needs to agree to marital counseling and ending all contact with this woman. However, the probability is high he will continue to have affairs and may possibly decide to end your marriage sometime in the future. Be realistic and prepared for your own future. ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------- And the reason you accept this and stay with him is??????? Y-THINK-Y