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What prayer can be said at a daughter's graveside service?

Updated: 8/16/2019
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Q: What prayer can be said at a daughter's graveside service?
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There will be eulogies, there will be the 23rd psalm, there will be a prayer called El Malei Rachamim (God, full of mercy, usually chanted in Hebrew), and there will be the Mourner's Kaddish (an Aramaic prayer). The coffin, if present, will be closed. The entire service can be conducted at the graveside, or it can be conducted in the synagogue or funeral home. After the service, if it's not at the graveside, people will go to the graveside and conduct the burial. It is common to repeat the 23rd psalm, El Malei Rachamim and the Kaddish if they were said earlier elsewhere, and then, after the deceased is lowered into the grave, the immediate family members and then everyone else present is invited to shovel dirt into the grave. Sometimes this is just a ritual clod or two per person, leaving the work to the gravediggers, but I have been to funerals where the mourners entirely filled the grave. Hard physical work is one way to deal with grief. After the burial, everyone returns to the synagogue (or any facility with a decent social hall) for the "meal of condolence." There's a ritual lhand washing after leaving the cemetery before entering the building, and expect real food at the meal. If the family wants, there will be an afternoon service after the meal, giving the close relatives a chance to say the Mourners Kaddish again.


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There will be eulogies, there will be the 23rd psalm, there will be a prayer called El Malei Rachamim (God, full of mercy, usually chanted in Hebrew), and there will be the Mourner's Kaddish (an Aramaic prayer). The service can be led by any knowledgeable Jew. A good voice is useful for the chants, and the leader need not be a rabbi. The coffin, if present, will be closed. The entire service can be conducted at the graveside, or it can be conducted in the synagogue or funeral home. After the service, if it's not at the graveside, people will go to the graveside and conduct the burial. It is common to repeat the 23rd psalm, El Malei Rachamim and the Kaddish if they were said earlier elsewhere, and then, after the deceased is lowered into the grave, the immediate family members and then everyone else present is invited to shovel dirt into the grave. Sometimes this is just a ritual clod or two per person, leaving the work to the gravediggers, but I have been to funerals where the mourners entirely filled the grave. Hard physical work is one way to deal with grief. After the burial, everyone returns to the synagogue (or any facility with a decent social hall) for the "meal of condolence." There's a ritual lhand washing after leaving the cemetery before entering the building, and expect real food at the meal. If the family wants, there will be an afternoon service after the meal, giving the close relatives a chance to say the Mourners Kaddish again.