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I dont mean to be unkind but is a narcissist dear to you or do you THINK they are? Narcissist cloud and confuse the minds of everyone they manage to consume. As a female I am often asking myself what it is about my N partner I hold so dear. The answer is NOTHING. The N is not a real person, only a walking, talking construct of who he thinks he is. In their minds, people are not bodies to be loved, adored and cherished; their only purpose is to satisfy the N ego. I am in the process of leaving mine...I want human flesh and blood not a amoebic parasite. True personality disorders cannot be healed from the outside-in. In fact, anyone with a problem has to want to heal him/herself. Answer Oh be careful. Yes the person has to want to heal themselves. You need to be and remain at a safe distance to point out the problem to the Narcissist and step well well well back. They may be very angry at first unless they already know they have this. They may well not believe you. They will have to search for the answer themselves. You will have to pray that the bit inside of them that's good will understand and that the person will try to work it out for themselves. Anyone too close will probably not be the one to help because so much of their energy will be drawn into helping the narcissist.
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The question is help them how? Refer them to counseling, but they don't want to be fixed, though you may want to fix them to be a 'normal' person so you can keep a relationship with them. If you are a lay person and in a relationship with a narcissist, you cannot help them. Just by the nature of your relationship and the pathology of a narcissist, things will get ugly, it will be at your expense and there will be no change in the narcissist. A good therapist will be the one to help a narcissist, but it takes a great deal of work on the part of the narcissist, a commitment to healing, only they don't see themselves as 'broken' or anything wrong with them, so an honest introspective communication with a therapist is rare. It's so hard to understand. Leaving them is best for you though and isn't that sad that that is also the way to help a narcissist, because they are sucking your goodness from you and using it to buoy themselves. So sad.
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What approach will do to a client with of narcissistic personality disorder?
Cbt approach in terms of looking at safety behaviours/ defenses would be useful. The narcissist would need to have some insight and willing to change as with any therapeutic approach. The therapist would need to be very boundaried and not open to manipulation. Session homework should be contacted in. Where there are long term issues of childhood the narcissist may wish to explore psychotherapy although at some point they will need to be willing to change and narcissists often don't want to change. (Why would anyone if they get immediate gratification and addiction fed). However, for those narcissists that acknowledge the pain they put others through and want some continuity in their lives, therapy is an option. Even more so, the victims of narcissist abuse need help through the post trauma of the narcissist abandonment, and to learn to adhere to the no contact rule for their own sanity! The narcissist's return is never because they love you, no need to play detective, just accept you are one of many addictions, an object to play with until they start the cycle again. If you have emotions you won't be able to stay in a relationship with a narcissist. As Sam Vaknin has said, mirror the narcissist, but to do that you have to be non- emotional and acknowledge that he projects his own inadequacies onto you, blames you for the very things he does, plays on your guilt, lies and cheats. If you can avoid internalising this and give to the narcissist and have your own needs ignored, then you need to look at your self esteem. Do not lose yourself to a figment of your imagination, keep a journal of the narcissist behaviour, and move on. The narcissist will be hurt to see you move on, and happy as they have no control and that liberation will empower you.
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