What happens to military couples who get married in separate branches?

Answer 1

It's a lot harder if you're in separate services, since the detailers can't really coordinate with each other as easily. However, the services do try to do their best to keep families together as much as possible, if it can be done while still fulfilling overall force requirements. It's easier for Commissioned Officers, though in the end they're still subject to force requirements as well.

My wife and I both knew when we got married almost 30 years ago (we were both Active Duty Navy) that we might not get stationed together. For the first 6 months, we were stationed 5 hours apart until she got a transfer. I had a friend who wasn't as lucky - his wife was a Seabee, and she got transferred to Okinawa when they were stationed for a few months in Charleston.

The best thing to do is talk to each detailer to see how it would affect an interservice couple, since they do it on a case basis, based on duty station and job assignment. They've changed the rules significantly over the years as more women have joined the military, making it more difficult for women to get out (in the old days women just used to get pregnant - they stopped it when they were losing too many). But they want to retain people as well, so they did come up with rules to govern military couples. In our day, there really weren't any rules to speak of. We were very fortunate.

In the end, you know there are absolutely no guarantees - the world political and military situation can change overnight, and in the eyes of the military, force and mission requirements come first before family considerations. That's part of the contract and the deal that goes with being in the military.

I will say this - detailers typically won't commit or promise anything if you're not already married. Even though my detailer didn't make it, I invited him to our wedding since it was close to D.C. just so he'd know I was on the level about getting married. And for those who say long distance relationships don't work, if a relationship is really sound, nothing will stand in your way of getting together eventually. We dated for 5 weeks before I proposed, and we were separated on opposite coasts for 10 months before we were married. Even then submarine duty wasn't real conducive to being home. I figured in our first 5 years of marriage, I probably only spent 2 of it with my wife. Almost 30 years later, I have no regrets whatsoever.

My point is, if it's meant to be, it's meant to be. If not, even though it'll hurt, it won't be the end of the world. Everything happens for a reason.