Is it possible to make an abusive boyfriend or husband change and be good to you or are they always going to be like that?

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To be honest, no one can say "he will never change", because that saying is not always true. BUT, the problem is if he wants to change or not, because if HE DOES NOT, there is "nothing" you can do about it. For the first five years of my marriage, I was an abused wife. I though if I loved him enough or if I changed or if I did this or that, then he would change. I promise to you, this problem is not yours. It is okay to love him, but not to take the abuse. GET OUT! Especially if there is children involved. Have faith in him, pray for, ask him to seek counseling, but do it from a safe distance. He will not change until he is ready and unless he wants to, it will never be your choice or anything you do. My husband and I just clebrated our tenth anniversary. Four years ago he stopped driking, but he was still a jerk. Three years ago, God stepped in and saved him and myself. And I prayed, from the start, I prayed. I wanted to ask The Lord what took Him so long, but He was there and the difference was made. But, I would still advise a woman in an abusive sitituation to get out. I know how hard it is to go, but you can't make an alcoholic better by giving him vodka. Time for coffee, it's time to wake up, for you both. My prayers are with you. Answer
He will always be like that and WONT change so get out and get on with your life.

AnswerStatistically, the odds of him changing are low. However, there are key indicators you can watch for in a person who is taking an honest interest in changing their abusive behavior:

1) They acknolwedge that they are abusive, and that it is their responsibility, and not the fault of anyone else that they are they way they are.
2) They admit that they WANT to change, and that they know the process of change is very difficult
3) They undergo a violence/abuse assessment, delivered by a professional who focuses on these things. The abuser is willing and wanting to follow the recommendations of the assessment.
4) They voluntarily enter programs specifically oriented around addressing abusive and/or violent behaviors. These group programs generally are extensive, and may run from a minimum of 16 weeks to 52 weeks in length. Jointly, they should also attend individual counseling that is specific to the challenges they have in addressing their behavior and emotional challenges.
5) The process for change is hard, and can be long. How long depends on the individual, their readiness for change, and ability to integrate the change.
6) The individual will tend to this change in an ongoing process which may be lifelong.

The process for changing abusive tendencies is intense, very difficult (because it is rooted in learned behaviors that likely spanned significant portions of their childhood), and due to the extraordinarily low level of community support due to the morally reprehensible nature of this behavior, the individual will find the path to rehabilitation difficult to maintain despite their initial best interests and convictions.

If the individual is willingly able to endure this path to change, they can and will change.