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If your husband cheats to be vengeful should you stay or should you go?

Updated: 8/16/2019
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Shirl7777

Lvl 1
15y ago

Best Answer

Has he ended the affair? Or is he sharing all this with her now?

Consult an attorney, more than one, if possible. Do this without your husband's knowledge. Having knowledge of what your legal rights are should you decide to file goes a long way in helping you to make the best decision for yourself.

Often, the first thought is to somehow 'get back' to where you were in the marriage. But 'where you were' was with a man who wouldn't communicate his feelings to you and instead utilized them to have and justify an affair. You know your husband is not meeting his responsibilities in your marriage; your best bet is to decide what you're going to do about that and what you feel is best for you (and your children, if any).

A few marriages can be salvaged even after an infidelity. But in order to accomplish reconciliation, you have to have two people who want it. Ending the affair and all contact with the other woman is the first thing your spouse would have to do; you cannot work on anything until he's willing to do this. Right now, it looks like your cheating spouse is acting cold blooded (especially if he admitted vengeance was his reason for the affair).

If he refuses to end the affair and end contact with the other woman, he isn't willing to come back fully to the marriage. If he has a history of infidelity, and this affair is only one of them, this will continue to be a repeated pattern in the marriage, should you choose to stay with him. If he refuses to go to marital counseling with you, he is not willing to work on his issues that led him to cheat. If any of the above are the case, you should go into absolute self protection mode and start moving towards a separation and divorce. It's futile for you to stay with a selfish person who refuses to acknowledge their issues or accept personal accountability.

Give yourself time to think things through. You can't show weakness to your spouse--do not argue with him; act calm and if he wants an argument, leave the room. Do not discuss any divorce plans with him (let your attorney deal with contact) or any justifications or rationalizations he used to give himself permission for the affair. He either is willing to make the hard sacrifices needed to become a full partner in the marriage or the marriage is effectively over mentally and emotionally. Do not allow your spouse to rush you into any decision; if he could take the time to cheat he can wait and give you the time to make your own decision.

Go to counseling if you can: it will help you to express your feelings and ask all the questions that are running through your head. You're going through a roller coaster of emotions, and you'll change your mind continuously about your future plans. Counseling can help you make the decision that are best for you.

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15y ago
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Q: If your husband cheats to be vengeful should you stay or should you go?
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