If you have proof of terrible things a narcissist did like abandoned their child before birth and used his family to hide should you find a way to tell his family what you know or just leave it?

Answer 1

This sounds all too familiar. I had to answer this because this kind of thing happened to me almost eerily similar and I will tell you that the child is better off without him. If he's not in the kids life it will have a better happier life. I can't even imagine if my ex N had been in our child's life. I would have gone nuts because he's so irresponsible and coniving. At first i wanted him to be because I was reeling from being discarded, but once I got over it and began to look back I realized how lucky I was. Him discarding us was a blessing in disguise. He told me because he didn't want our child he basically didn't have to bare any responsibility. I was stunned, it was like just because he didn't want the child meant he didn't have to take responsibility like the rest of the planet like he was some exception. He'll do nothing positive for their child. or for your friend. If you contact his family like I also had the option of once.. it will do nothing. He will twist your words and make you look bad. They are the biggest liars and game players on the earth. It would bring his actions to light but what will they or you gain from it? The best thing is to be happy this person is out of her life.

Answeryou should leave, it's amazing how all narcissist behave in the same way because my narcissist did exactly the same thing. I stayed with him for 6 years taking him back almost monthly, I'm so happy he's gone because now I can be happy on my own. AnswerI'm in a similar situation. I agree with the first poster. It is better if the child never has contact with the father, and if the father also wants it that way, even better. My child's father is only interested in getting pictures so he can brag about how beautiful his child is. Other than that, he leaves us alone, which is a blessing. Yes, he should be taking responsibility, but we can't force him to do that. One day he'll get in trouble for being a deadbeat dad, but that isn't our concern. Our concern is taking care of ourselves and staying away from him.

As for the narcissist's extended family, I also battled with myself about whether I should tell them. I decided that since half of them are narcissists and the other half obviously were involved in the creation of narcissists (his mother for example) that they would not respond well to this information. I mean, they basically do know already, although they don't have a name to call it. They know the emotional dynamic of the family. They know that my ex isn't seeing or taking care of his daughter. They know. And it doesn't make any difference. So there's not much point in saying "hey, he's a narcissist."

What I decided to do is tell our mutual friends, the ones he had screwed over in the past and who were receptive to this information. They were delighted to know what was wrong with him and immediately cut off contact. They proceeded to tell his girlfriend what was wrong with him and she broke up with him. So there are appropriate people to share this information with--people you care about, who are not directly related. And of course, the narcissist's children should be educated about him, at an appropriate age. Also your family would probably be delighted to know what is wrong with him. I just doubt his family of origin would believe it or respond well to it.

If you want to test them, have them watch the movie, "Grizzly Man" about Timothy Treadwell. Treadwell is a narcissist and if they recognize this, or see similarities in Treadwell's and the narcissist's behavior, you can bring up the topic. If they don't see it, I'd say drop it for good. They'll never see it. My narcissist's mother watched "Grizzly Man" and saw no similarity. She is completely blind to it, so I dropped it.