How do you survive abandonment by a sociopath?

Answer 1

Being that I am a person that had a strange father I can relate to this question. Depending on the severity of your case, I would just say that you should look on his behavior as unexceptable and carry on in life teaching your children good values not like the ones you have seen with your father. My father was abusive and an alcoholic. I promised myself that I would never be like him but still love and forgive him. Years have passed and being able to heal from time itself has helped me. I realize sometimes it's hard to bounce back but there are alot of great listeners our there. Always remember to talk to someone and face your fears and problems head on. It will all work out. Go to a therapist who specializes in child abuse and PTSD. There are many and they can be of great help.

Answer 2

I have read what people are saying,,,and i don't have too much sympathy for sociopaths,,, as i have myself been a plaything (victim) for a sociopath. it has been one lie after another and one game after another and has led me into a complete state of confusion after 3 and half years of it..... But having googled the behaviour i realised i was dealing with a sociopath..... all the traits characterised this person,, and did bring some relief from my confusion and hurt. But when i think about it he was telling me all along,,,,,,"that i was the game" and "he was the walking devil" repeatedly. So i decided to it was time to get out fast........so i decided to completely ignore the person,,,,,,, and his efforts were unbelievable to keep me in the "game" but after months of ignoring all contact i can saftely say that i don't hear from him anymore,,,,,,,,,, hopefully never again.

the more attention you give the person you are still his/her victim and theryre just laughing with amusement. If you ignore the person they will finally get bored with trying as in which they suffer badly from. They don't have feelings so unfortunately they caneasily move to the next victim.

For sociopaths reading this if i thought i could help him,,,, which i do rember trying even though i wasnt aware of him being one............it was always found amusing and simply loved the fact that i was even trying to be helpful!!!

Answer 3

I am a diagnosed sociopath. I answer from my own experiences.

I feel no pity for you because chances are there were tons of signs for you to get out of the relationship and you didn't. You were taken advantage of because you were so blind to something that is so obvious to other sociopaths like me. I can see through people and those I can't I steer clear from because they are likely just as I am.

While I acknowledge you've been hurt the best I can tell you is simply move past it. What else am I supposed to say? He or she does not care about you and never did. You dwell on it and the sociopath wins points because they love to know they hurt you and they get pleasure out of your pain.

You want me to be blunt? Your entire relationship was a lie and one sided. Can you really love someone who did not love you back and lied to your face for god knows how long? And you couldn't see it? Don't feel bad. A lot of people can pick up on us and sociopaths are very clever and know how to mimic empathy.

To be blunt. Just move on and find someone else. Don't dwell on it.

That's all I've got.

Drop him or her.

Just like they dropped you.

Answer 4

Six months ago, I would have never have paid any mind to answering a question such as this one, but since I have recently become quite an expert on the topic I will gladly do so.. Without going into my particular story as it would take quite some time to explain, I will summarize what I have learned and it was NOT an easy journey. If my answer helps even one person then what I learned will not be in vain.

Firstly, you need to look at yourself. In my case, my best friend and partner of 5 solid years (as in brother-status friend, if not higher) completely betrayed me on multiple levels and literally just ditched me and found new "friends" (which I later learned are his new victims). He severely lied about me and turned everyone he could (not everyone fell for it) against me and projected his pathology onto me almost destroying me in the process. My situation consisted of a lot of covert emotional abuse, verbal abuse, and the cherry on top was he finally snapped and strangled me one night because I advised him that it might not be a great idea to play Video Games and smoke pot all the time. Lovely, right!? :)

I mentioned looking at yourself because it takes two to tango when dealing with a personality disordered individual/sociopath as there are two separate roles: abuser and victim. If you are reading this, more likely than not you are/were the victim. Why? Most likely because you are a kind-hearted soul that very deeply loved the person that abused you. Most likely, you devoted yourself fully to them in hopes that you could help them or save them somehow and would later be loved equally back by them when they "realized" how valuable you really are/were to them. Full stop! They NEVER WILL! Keep reading...

We are caretakers and are trusting and might have a tendency to develop codependency on our abusers which keeps us locked into their game. They are emotional vampires and predators and despise our love, kindness and purity. Their goal is to TRY to corrupt our purity, reduce us to their evil level and then discard us once we are and then they leave us in a pile of rubble and despair nowhere near appearing as we once did. When they succeed, they move on and find a new target and repeat the cycle. Idealize, devalue, discard, repeat...

It was a GAME, their game and I'm going to skip through a lot of what I have learned to get to the point. I'm going to answer the question directly as how to survive it.

The first step is realizing WHAT they are and seeing it for what it REALLY is. I'm warning you, it IS going to hurt but the truth sometimes does hurt - in this case it will ultimately set you free - I PROMISE!! They did NOT love you because they could not love you. They fooled you, yes, but the show they put on for you was nothing more than a show. You are more than likely beating yourself up and blaming yourself as a failure, but the truth is it had nothing to do with you in the first place. It was all on them - YOU allowed it to happen.

You need to come to a point of acceptance that things weren't really what they seemed to be and that the person that hurt you is very, very sick. It is fine to acknowledge that you felt deep love for them, but it is equally important to realize that you loved a facade. It doesn't make you stupid, nor a bad person. Actually, if you weren't a good person they wouldn't have chosen you. Learn from this. Learn how to recognize the warning signs for two reasons: 1) To make sure they NEVER come back to do it again once you have built yourself back up; 2) To not allow yourself to be victimized in this way EVER again by someone else..

Before them, you were most likely very solid, independent, and strong - which attracted them in the first place. The trick to getting that back is to distance yourself as much as possible from that person and putting yourself first and to stop blaming yourself for the failure of the relationship. The "failure" was not a failure for them as it was a success for them; the goal being to destroy you. They win when you stay in that state. They lose when you overcome it. I cannot emphasize enough the importance of true NO CONTACT on your part because it will protect you from them. It will be difficult at first but it is very important. If you slip up and pine after them for a while, don't worry, but try to accept things for what they are. Work hard to protect yourself in the future by educating yourself on how their psychological mechanisms work. It will give you closure by explaining the pathology of their disorder.

We have trouble surviving (or believing we will) the abandonment partly because there is a lack of closure. The silent treatment they pull is designed to make us feel guilty and also prevents us from confronting them when we figure out their came. I got through my issue and moved upward when I finally realized that closure comes from within US, not them! :)

I started looking in the mirror again - really liked what I saw. I walked my neighborhood and smiled at people as I walked by them. They would smile back reaffirming that I am a pretty cool guy that is lovable, likeable, and kind. I realized there was a whole world filled with people, some of them very special, waiting to meet me and that my old friend was really just a speck of crap floating amongst them.

Sociopaths brainwash us into believing they ARE the world. It's BS, trust me. They are nothing and they know it.

Once you can see this you will not only survive the abandonment, you will be grateful it happened because you are a special person that deserves the best. You will likewise find it and never look back. Remember if you continue to put out love and kindness, that is what you will get back. You are no longer a victim, but rather a Survivor that is stronger and more solid than when you met the person that hurt you.

Take it from me: I literally thought I was going to die I was hurting so badly when my sociopath friend left me. I never thought I would get through it. But I did!! I not only got through it, I feel AWESOME now and it's a solid, consistent feeling. It didn't happen overnight - it took three solid months of pain that I know no way of avoiding. Time is a factor that cannot be eliminated. But the trust that things will get better is something that you need to have and I promise it will get better.

Take good care of yourself and learn to love yourself again, because you ARE worth it. Keep your chin up and know that this pain will go away and will be replaced by strength and integrity down the road. Allow yourself to feel the pain, but don't draw it out longer than need be. And when you're ready you will realize you not only survived, but conquered.

I wish you the best and hope you feel better soon. There is a TON of really good info out there that can help you get through this. Google: devalue and discard, borderline personality disorder, narcissistic personality disorder, histrionic personality disorder, silent treatment, narcissist's false self as a starting point and read some of the stories on the forums dealing with this topic and you will find comfort in the stories of others' that you are not alone. A lot of us have been through this and a lot of us grew from it. I personally feel like a stronger and better person having gone through this and am thankful for the experience with this person because it helped me to grow and be able to help others that are still behind me on the same path. Think positive and protect yourself. You deserve the best - now go out and figure out for yourself what that means. You'll be glad you did! :)

Answer 5

You don't.